IMG_3979One desperate summer afternoon, days away from giving birth to Stewie, I tossed Wheels and Malcolm, into a a free play gymnastics class so I could nap with my eyes open.  In walked another woman, all smiles and chatty with two kids.  Instantly, in my pregnant stupor, I marked her as “way too nice,” verging on the irritatingly nice. But as the weeks passed, Kitty O’Shea continued spreading joy, but with the same wicked sense of humor and desire to make it through the day as myself, and not to the top of the school mom pyramid. Two years later, we have become very good friends with much more in common than I ever anticipated.

Rewind five weeks ago, when I received an email from Fabletics, the Kate Hudson athletic clothing line, stating Congratulations! You won our essay contest and a trip for your an a friend to Tulum, Mexico for a fitness retreat.   I called Kitty instantly, and last week we flew to Mexico for our luxury vacation and the longest time away from our kids since they were born!

As mom friends go, you see these people at school pick up. The grocery. Out to dinner.  You’ve never lived with them like those women you roomed with in college.  Behind closed doors is a mystery.  Their quirks are mysteries.  Your quirks could be interpreted as nuts.  Outside influences can quickly transform a presumed strong friendship into a raging inferno with nothing but cinders left as proof it did exist.

Fingers Crossed!

If our flight was a predictor, we were in trouble. I have traveled across the country and half way around the world, and I have never been on a flight with so many strange, high strung people.  Kids yelling across the plane to other siblings, parents trying to calm their first flight children with a nerve wracking countdown to take off, people whispering about crashing, multiple drinks order before 10 am, an odd close encounter with another airplane literally riding our wing, and of  course, to my horror turbulence. My evil twin who turns me into a hand holding baby.  Kitty laughed it off and yes, held my hand through landing.  Beautiful.

We struggled through customs, took me three times to fill the bloody papers out correctly, bought a bottle of Vodka, and we were at the luxury hotel in Tulum two hours later, prepared to relax.

We were shown our room, and Kitty’s voice went helium high asking, “Oh wow, this is nice. What do you think?”

The room was smaller than my dining room, with two twin beds and a very rustic toilet shower combination. A clicking noise rang from the thatched roof, introducing us to the lullabies of a gecko nest. Beautiful white walls, orange comforters and very clean.

My voice followed her squeaky uncertainty, “Oh! Well… we are about to get real close!” Laughter ensued and that was that.

Laughter and his friend Mojito, pulled us through the trip. When my fear of heights nearly cost me making the crawl to the top of a ruin in Coba, Kitty’s giggles encouraged me through the last few steps. And as our eyes met at the top, they revealed her fear as well.

When we couldn’t take one more gluten free, dairy free, sugar free, vegetarian meal, Mojito dragged us on a pub crawl in search of queso blanco.

When the intense workouts at the amazing Tulum Jungle Gym caused Kitty to stare at the ocean as though she was considering drowning in it, forcing her to quietly utter, “I am never fucking coming back here!” I put my arm around her laughing, “And you don’t have to!”

When we both teared up missing the kids, we hugged it out and floated down a natural lazy river with a Mexican Marlboro man as our guide, to fill the void.

And when the schedule became too much and my body was screaming from overuse, Kitty not only deemed me the Grandma of the bunch, but slide from her claimed red hammock, grabbed my hand, forcing me to push through the guilt of missing activities (since I had won the trip), and off we went shopping in downtown Tulum for some very interesting and inappropriate souvenirs! The number or fertility statues was staggering.

The whole trip made me reconsider how women interact with one another.  When vulnerable and/or uncomfortable, women tend to either lash out at the circumstance or roll with it. The close proximity, minimalist design, and full schedule of the retreat claimed some friendships on the trip. Some pairs let it fall apart, while others found another hotel with more space as a preservation tactic. We were lucky.  We both fall into the roll with it category. The simplicity allowed us to learn about and support one another’s strengths and weaknesses.  And we had a blast!